Should Parents Guide Us in Choosing a Life Partner?

This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot and it came up in one of our Global One Voice Empowerment Network podcast episodes with Simba from the Ishkashetta Refugee Network. It’s a deep question:

Should parents guide us when it comes to choosing who we spend our lives with?

Why Parents’ Guidance Can Matter

Here’s the thing: parents know us in ways we don’t always realize. They’ve seen us grow up. They know what excites us, what frustrates us, and how we respond under pressure. On top of that, they’ve lived through their own relationships they’ve seen the mistakes, the struggles, and the sacrifices that come with love.

So when they speak, sometimes it’s not to control us, but to protect us. They may notice red flags we’re too blinded by love to see.

But let’s be real: not every parent is the right guide. If the relationship with your parents is strained, toxic, or just not rooted in trust, then it might not be wise to lean on them for this. In those cases, we can look to mentors, elders, or trusted friends who genuinely want the best for us.

The “Committee” Idea

Simba shared something that really stuck with me he called it “the committee.”

The committee is your inner circle. These are the people you trust to give it to you straight. It could be your parents, but it could also be friends, mentors, or even coworkers who know you well.

When you bring your potential partner around them, you’re not just introducing someone you’re inviting your circle to observe. They’ll pick up on things you might miss, and they’ll tell you honestly what they see.

Sometimes, love puts blinders on us. The committee helps us take them off.

More Than Attraction

Let’s be honest: a lot of us start with attraction. We see someone, we feel the spark, and suddenly we’re imagining a whole future. But attraction is not enough.

Here are some things I’ve learned matter just as much if not more:

• Shared values. What do you both believe in? What matters to you when it comes to family, faith, or lifestyle?

• Shared interests. Do you enjoy doing things together? Can you laugh, play, and build memories beyond romance?

• Character. How do they treat people? Are they respectful, humble, and kind?

• Life goals. Do they have ambition? Do they know where they’re going in life, and does it align with where you’re headed?

Because here’s the truth: love is powerful, but it doesn’t pay bills, raise kids, or hold two people together through storms. You need more than love to make a relationship work.

Why Socializing Is Key

One of the strongest messages Simba discussed is this:

👉 We have to learn how to socialize.

And I’m not just talking about swiping left and right on dating apps. Social media can trick us into thinking we’re connecting, when really, we’re just scrolling.

To find a real partner and even to grow personally we need to get out there:

• Join clubs or sports.

• Show up to community events.

• Volunteer.

• Attend weddings or gatherings.

• Even just strike up conversations in safe spaces.

  
  

It’s about putting yourself in situations where you meet people naturally, see how they interact with others, and let your true self come out. Being social not only helps with relationships, but it also builds skills you’ll need in your career and personal life.

Balancing Advice and Independence

At the end of the day, parents and mentors should be there to guide, not control. Their advice can give us perspective, but the decision is ours to make.

The key is balance being open to wisdom, but also confident enough to choose for ourselves.

Culture, Faith, and Family

Depending on where you come from, the role of family in choosing a partner looks very different. Some cultures expect parents to be deeply involved. Others encourage full independence. Neither is wrong, as long as the choice leads to respect, unity, and love.

Faith also plays a role. For some, that means prayer. For others, it means reflection, meditation, or simply seeking peace before making a big decision. However you approach it, the point is to look for clarity and grounding before you commit.

What I Want Young People to Take Away

1. Don’t try to figure this out all alone build your “committee.”

2. Don’t stop at attraction look for shared values, goals, and character.

3. Get off the phone and go socialize the right person won’t just fall into your lap.

4. Accept guidance, but don’t let anyone control your decision.

5. Always pause, pray, or reflect before making big life moves.

Final Thought

Love is beautiful, but partnership is about more than feelings. It’s about wisdom, patience, and sometimes letting others see what we can’t.

So my challenge to you is this: put your phone down, step into the world, and let yourself be surprised. The right person might already be closer than you think.

Watch the full episode herehttps://youtu.be/pp7MskvvNQ0?si=642IDoxFFzqmAvz2